Please, do tell
by Leoceu
Summary: When a small soul, still shape to be, still yet to grow into something marvel, sees hell, the stain red of hate in humanity, a big part of this soul dies, loses his pureness and faith before it even had time to be something else. Jared/Jensen
1. Chapter 1

When a small soul, still shape to be, still yet to grow into something marvel, sees hell, the stain red of hate in humanity, a big part of this soul dies, loses his pureness and faith before it even had time to be something else.

You can know, you can imagine and feel the sadness the anger of it all. You can understand the evil of the world, the dark, you can know it's there, yet if you never felt it, see it, lived it, there is nothing that you truly understand. Only when you feel the big heavy gun in your hands, the one that kills, the objects that makes you see the life of a person drains through their eyes, the screams, the blood that never stops, a river of red blood, the horror… Only then you truly meet fear and madness. Because you can understand, yet you never do.

It was cold, too cold. The snow didn't stop even whit the empty prays of one frozen kid. His feet burned, numbed, losing their feelings long ago, the snow in his barefoot was making his feet bleed frozen blood.

His hands trembled whit the wind, snow were clues to his eyelashes, and even something has easy has blinking was a hard task do too. The kids' arms were shaking, trembling in ways he knew it shouldn't. He couldn't move, he needed to stay steady, one wrong move, only one was enough to lose everything

The little soldier was feeling his lungs burn inside whit every breath he took. His stomach had stopped making horrible noises long ago, it was empty since he no longer knew when, and now not a noise was coming from it, as it had given up, no point warning the young men to eat anymore, no point into surviving.

The cold metal was heavy in his hands, as it had a right to be there, his long skin finger seemed roots grabbing it whit so much strange.

A person would try to imagine what a kid in this situation would be thinking about, a person still too innocent. This soldier hadn't any thought running through is head, no 'whys' or 'what now?' no, this young soldier was running by feelings, sensations, the only word in head 'surviving' and maybe images of the ones he saw falling into a dirty ground, flying everywhere by the orange and yellow light. Maybe, if he had the privilege to.

He was feeling the knot in his throat, ignoring it, the tears no longer felt, they had dry after rivers and oceans had been made ages ago.

Not a noise could be heard, only the wind passing by was showing his present. The body next to our soldier was long gone, giving his last breath away. Little did it matter if the soldier had carried him all the way to save him, it had been too late. It felt wrong to feel envious of the dead body next to him, yet he couldn't help that small feeling of wanting, no pain, no hunger, no cold or guns, it was hard not to feel envy for just a thing.

Something move in his camp of vision. The shoot was made, no excitation. The man fell down in seconds. The little soldier didn't even blinked, smoking leaving the point of his gun.

When a noise was heard behind him, it only took seconds for him to use the force he didn't knew he had to turn around in a quick move, and shoot once more. Right in the middle of the eyes of an older man. The man stood there, eyes wide looking at the kid who had just killed him, just a kid. Blue skin and fire eyes, the eyes showed by dark smoke. The older man fell to the ground as many had fallen. Snow white was turning into red in seconds. The kid once more, just looked, took everything in. He took a big breath, to big felling his lungs, he was damn sure this was it for him as well. Just another body, another forgotten soul. He put himself in position once more, and when he final fall of to darkness, his body didn't even move from his position, standing , gun still in hand.

Jared waked up in a jump, alarmed. Took him seconds to see the sun up, the people passing by him, to realize it had only been a bad dream, one of many. He had stopped calling it memories long ago. He composed himself in seconds, closing his eyes to relax, to breathe freely, even if he could feel the cold air.

Jared stomach was empty; funny how some things never change. He looked up into the blue sky, not one clowned could be seen, he wondered why that dream, better than many for sure, he didn't wake up screaming this time. So many years had passed, a lifetime, yet it was all too vivid in his mind.

His skin was dirty, his hair too long hiding his eyes from view. The bonnet wasn't doing too well, his clothes whit some years on it, jeans and a T-shirt. Who would wear a shirt in the middle of winter? Except Jared of curse, he had to find a coat today if he wanted to survive it.

He had escaped hell, make it through, the irony of it all was that the meaning of life remained the same 'survival'.

Jared stood up from the little stair before someone from inside came to kick him out from bihing asleep in the front of their doorstep.

He walked as if he wasn't just a homeless, he walked whit a certain dignity that he sure didn't feel. Some people ignored him, other stared, only looking when they thought he wasn't seeing. He had learned not to care a long time ago. He made his routine walk, went to some place to beg, his pride forgotten, still there, only overlooked in situations Jared knew it wasn't called for, he was only trying to survive, there was nothing wrong with that.

Walking, and walking, it was tiresome for some people who didn't have the strength, didn't have a good sleep or meal, Jared got it under control. Trying to find a good place to sleep. At night sleeping, in the morning trying to find places, money, and meals, always the same routine.

He stopped to rest from away on an old bench turned into a small road, he settled there, and close his eyes briefly, he could smell the hamburgers and fries coming from the fast food restaurant across the road. He could imagine he was eating it if he put his mind to it.

He wasn't alone, he knew it, he felt more than saw the presence of others just as him, around, sitting against the big old wall full of graffiti, resting, trying to stand, trying to live, hiding In the shadows. As if this side was totally different from the other, two different life's.

Jared opened his eyes when he heard a crying girl, her face had big tears falling, her little fits rubbed her red eyes, trying to stop, not being able to. He could disting the cry's, this one wasn't one of losing someone, being hurt, or having a cold, no, this one was from hunger, from wanting desperately to fill the ache from your stomach, dangerous hunger for that age, for who never had it. Maybe it was the first time she was alone and not having someone to give her what she needed.

She was some feet away, sitting on the floor, hiding from view, afraid, trembling. Her big black hair ruined, her skin still too white to be here long enough. Was she lost from home or abandoned? A person never knew.

Jared was thinking about her, he should stand up and get her to a police station, or go to one to see if they were trying to find a girl. The problem with this plan was that they sure weren't to welcome him. If the girl was lost, they would blame him, if the girl wasn't, they would say he was a waste of time. If the girl went alone and hadn't a home, people looking for her, they would take her, putting her in a worse place than the street.

Well, he should talk to her first. He was about to stand up from his sit when he hears a deep young voice saying

"Hi… I"

Jared looked up, catching a beautiful young guy whit white skin, and the deepest green eyes that remembered him of a big forest with trees taller than building that reached the sky.

Jared stared at the kid, waiting calmly to see what he wanted.

The young man rubbed his neck with his hand and looked the other way, he stared at Jared once more, standing his other hand that hold a paper bag, he said

"Brought you this. I work in that place" the guy gesture to the fast food across the street

"Thought you would like to try it" He said trying to give a smile but not sure if he should

Jared stared at the bag and then back at the kid once more

"What's your name?" Jared asked, hearing his raspy low voice as if he hadn't spoken in days, maybe he hadn't.

The guy seemed a bit taken back, not waiting for the question, still whit the bag in hand

"Jensen" He answered

Jared smile, his lips going up in a way they hadn't in ages, he didn't even notice it, he just knew this what he needed

"Thanks Jensen" He reached for the bag, grabbing it gently, watching as Jensen let it go.

"Your welcome" The smile of the kid was more beautiful than anything else

"Well… I have to go, see you around" He said, turning his back from Jared and running through the street to the other side

Jared stood up, happy with the timing of this kid.

He walked some steps to be next to the girl that people didn't notice if they didn't look carefully

He got himself on his knees and said whit his sweet tone of voice

"Hey little one, " He whispered not to frighten her, she was more than frightened as it was

"Brought you some food"

The girl didn't say a word, sniffing, trying to stop from crying, smelling the food.

Jared opened the bag and took the hamburger out that was still wrapped in a plastic

"Here, you will feel better if you eat" It had been a while since he had talked so much.

The little girl study him, reaching for it slowly. Once she grabbed it she in a quick move pressed it to her chest, hiding it with her hands, almost hugging it.

"It's yours, no one is taking it from you" He said whit the same calm voice

She nodded, her tears not running through her face anymore. Opening the hamburger and eating it fast

"Slowly" Jared said, making the girl stop eating at all

"It will hurt more"

The girl nodded as if she understood, and took small bites, almost starting to cry again, Jared could see it was whit relive and happiness.

"Did you got lost?" He asked, taking the fries out to put it in front of her

The little girl nodded, still chewing

"You have parents"

Another small nod

"How long have you been lost?"

She stopped eating for a wail her almost gone breath, and said whit a tine and broken voice

"Don't know… 2, 3 days?"

It seemed more like a question, later; after she finished her meal he would try to find her home


	2. Chapter 2

The little girl had cried tears of joy when she saw her parents running to her with open arms. There was love in this image, Jared just turned away before anyone started to ask him questions, he wasn't really up for it. He took some steps when he felt someone grab his T-shirt, he looked back to see the little girl staring up at him, smiling this big smile before she hugged him the best she could.

Jared not used to this kind of behavior was surprised, he didn't know what to do, he let his hand rest on her tiny shoulder, she looked up once more and said

"Thanks you" Before running to her beloved parents again. This one's only nodded to him, he nodded back and left with a small smile on his lips.

Kill it, kill, kill like you never had kill before, but make sure the blood had all drain from the white pale body, not a drop left, and only then walk away never looking back.

Forget the taste of dirt and the acid of metal in your mouth, only blood taste like that.

Walk away, and try to remember why you are walking in the first place.

Ignore the screams around you, try not to smell the ashes flying around next to the orange fire.

You didn't create them. You only tried to stoped them, still, it was too late, too little.

Only fire. The house who had been consume no longer a house. Not even a building anymore. The kids screaming, the mothers crying. The fathers staring wide open eyes, maybe thinking '_what did I did wrong? Didn't I kill the right ones?_' All the wrong thoughts.

And you? You just walk, not a second glass you give to them, not even the little boy crying his heart out you look at.

Yet when you hear the earth shake, a small yet noticeable under your sensitive feet, you hear better, you can feel deep in your bones. They are here, they are coming and you have to run.

You turn around, staring with eyes that see for the first time your surrenders. The misery, the low of humanity stand in front of you.

You feel your throat vibration more than you hear yourself shout

"RUN" you warn them "HIDE" you order them, running has a mad man that knows too well the field he walks in.

You jump to hide behind the wall that is far from being higher than you, somehow you have to manage.

A look back is all it takes to regret it. The men are here, cold faces, eyes of glass that doesn't show anymore then the deep of a white mirror. Dolls who move by little transparent strings, that shoot and let out a small grin that only The Devil could manage on his darkest day.

The horror that makes you feel clued to the ground, the shiver of fear you wish not to have. Yet the only thing that still makes you human.

The big machines they bring, the laughter's mixed together whit the cries of people, kids blowing up by a hot fire. And you? You only feel lower than trash itself.´

The kid far away sees you peeking unable to turn away. His hand grabbing his abodnomel from the wood, trying to make what should be inside stay there. He stares right at you, his face dirty his clothes ripped, his eyes begging, watery. He murmurs something that you can't hear whit the exploding going around and the distance, but years in your belt can still read the trembling lips of the kid _'Help me' _A kid, a small child, maybe Jared age, maybe younger, begging for something that should be his from the beginning, life, air.

Jared doesn't even have time to stand and make himself die, no, he only sees one of the many grounds exploding right were the kid his. Making him disappear in a dark smoke of dirt

When your blood his running to fast, when your body his working faster than your brain, your eyes start to fail you, start to make the scene before you come in a slow motion in a way that makes you suffer in an endless way. You shout as if that kid his someone you know, as if he is you. When the dust calms down, when they left after hours and kill everyone they see, only when they are sure they have all stop sharing the same air as them, do they leave.

When Jared gets out of his hiding place, he wonders how they didn't find him.

When the dust calms down reviling the body's, it isn't that surprising when he doesn't see the boy's body. Others lay around him, half burned, and even whit years of this, the young soldier falls to his knees and gasp to let the contain of his stomach leave him, the only problem is there is nothing to throw up, only air. His throat, his dray, protesting the convulsing's.

Whit the help of the gun bigger than his small body, he raises, he can't stay too long in the same place.

_'Help me' _That big blue eyes, begging, the kid asking as if Jared could save him, the kid believing he could. The child blowing up. His hearings ringing with the noise.

Jared turned, jumped and in less then a second he was on one knee hiding behind a wall. It took him seconds to realize it had been a dream, he was no longer there

Jared gasps for air, as if he just run a marathon. He feels the heat sweet running through his cheek. He shouldn't feel this heat in plain winter.

He stood, running his hand through his big hair and sigh. He really needed to put himself together if he wanted to remind saint.

At least Jared had now a hoodie to protect him from the cold. A kind priest, maybe too kind, gave it to him. Helping, or trying to help himself thinking if he did the gates of heaven would forgive his sins and let him in. Jared doubts it.

Jared could feel the small amount of money in his pocket. Enough for two meals, maybe three if he really wanted it. It had been a good morning.

The sky was turning gray, the building and place becoming dark. Jared felt in his cheek a small drop of water. He didn't even curse that fact, he was way past that.

It only took seconds for the sky to be full whit dark cloud, crying them self to the ground. People running around to find protection. Others smarter and precocious only opening their umbrella and pretend it was nothing whit them.

Jared continued to walk, hands hiding in his pocket. In his mind, he already knew where he was going to. The destroyed building on the wrong side of town would protect him from the hard rain. He would be save there.

Even with the rain failing, there were still too many people walking on the streets. After a good walk Jared was in a quiet place, he stopped for a wail to breath.

He looked up letting the water wash his face. Cold almost freezing water hitting his face like a slap, he didn't care too much, it was making him feel alive at the moment.

Jared heard shouts coming from a house some feet away. He stared at the close blue door, trying to hear what it was all about.

The voices were becoming louder, and it didn't take too much to understand the word

"GET OUT" A deep voice shouted "Get the hell out of my house" the man shouted louder, broken

"Calm the fuck down Jenny, this is my house too" the words came whit a loud noise of something falling, Jared almost bet someone hit the wall.

"How dare you" The man didn't sound too well "My parents paid for this house, there is nothing here with your name on…" The man didn't finish, letting a hurt noise leave him. The sound of flesh hitting flesh was quiet, yet Jared hears it even louder.

Soundly Jared wasn't feeling the rain anymore, the cold long gone. His stare was fixed to the door. He walked fast yet with a sure piece. Eyes of certain, his body ready to fight, feeling calm, as he always did in a situation like this.

Once in the front door Jared didn't, even though for a second that this wasn't his place to meddle.

He knocked, once, twice. The noise inside stopped. Someone whispered from the other side, and if Jared hadn't been trained to listen to a man whisper miles away he would never had been able to listen

"Shit, go and opened the door" The voice went deep and dangerous "don't even dare to say a word"

Jared was feeling calm, that was never good

The door open minutes after revealing a young man with green eyes. _Jensen_ the name came automatically to his head.

The kid was whit a coat that no one would be inside a house this heated. His face was red, it would be soon purple and blue. A red line was leaving his hurt lower lip, he didn't seem to notice

"How can I…" He started saying gently even before looking at the person at the door, stopping himself when he really saw Jared "Aren't you the man across…"

Jared didn't have time for this, he walked through the kid, ignoring the protest of the same.

He went across the hallway as if he knew where he was going; the noise of the television was enough.

Once he turned to where he was certain the other man would be, he saw him sitting in a chair in what seemed to be the kitchen looking at a small television.

"Out" Jared said calmly

The guy looked at him startle

"Who the hell are you?"

In seconds Jensen was behind him

"What do you want?" He seemed confused and scare at the same time.

That wasn't Jared idea. He just hated when persons, though they had the right to be stronger than others, to use that strength to order, to govern. Maybe he did the same, but he only did it now whit the persons who thought they had that right, a right that didn't exist accepted in their little heads.

"I want you out of here right now" Jared didn't even look at the young man

The one sitting stood up, showing his high, thinking he would be higher, maybe, he thought wrong since Jared was even taller

"Who is this?" The man asked Jensen whit eyes of hate

"He is…" What did exactly Jensen knew about him, nothing at all except he was a homeless man.

"Are you deaf?" Jared got closer, and if the man thought he was stronger scary even, he was damn wrong.

The kid took a step back that even he didn't notice, only when he took another and felt the counter, pressing on his back did he realize he was backing off, he seemed pissed whit himself at that.

"Who the hell is he huh Jenny? Your lover? Did you cheat on me, you damn slut?"

"What? I don't even know him Tom" Jensen seemed angry

There was a moment of silence when Jared punch Tom in the face

The man, was now with wide open eyes, as if no one ever had the balls to give him a good damn punch.

He was about to say something, Jared didn't want him to though.

He grabbed the kid shirt whit both hand and pull him closer

"What about we both leave?" He came as an order more than a question. He pushes him again, letting the kid hit the counter whit more streng

Tom let a sound escape him

"Not so great when you are the weaker one, now is it?" Jared was whit his back turned to Jensen, that didn't mean he wasn't paying attention, you could never know.

Yet he felt to see Jensen surprise reaction to his words, Jensen was just now realize why this man was here in the first place. He was trying to protect him.

"Tom, just do what he says" Jensen tried do reason

"Oh, so you do know him" Tom was leaning on the counter more then he would admit to anyone else

"You will stay out of this house, and you won't come closer to him ever again. Am I making myself clear?"

The tone was neutral, has if there weren't any emotions there, his eyes dancing as a tiger looking right to his prey, and what scare Tom the most was that the man wasn't trying to look scary, or angry, no, he just calmly said whit his eyes that he could kill him if he wanted, but he wasn't worth it.

Jared voice was coming rusty, as he had been drinking too much whisky, yet it was obvious he hadn't

"Are we?" He asked lower, closer

Tom swallows dry and nodded. A shiver running through his back that he never had felt before

Tom walked to the door, almost running, trying not to. His legs weren't feeling that well.

He didn't even look at Jensen as he left. In the kitchen they were silent until they heard the front door slam whit to much streng.

Jared sighs inwards. He stared at Jensen that didn't seem to know what do to with him.

Jensen was terrified, he had a homeless man in his house, wet, soaked to the bones, hair hiding his eyes, tall and standing whit a body that showed dangerous.

Jensen study him, trying to figure this man out. He was sure he had only come in to help him. An image came to his mind, a small smile from a girl crying with joy by the fact that someone gave her food, the girl Jensen hadn't even saw. This man had been hungry for sure, but he gave her the food Jensen had given him. Not forgetting how happy the man itself had been receiving it. He couldn't be that bad. And hadn't he just helped him as well.

"I…" The man didn't let him finish

"Don't worry about it" Just like that he was moving to the door, passing through Jensen and in the hallway.

"Wait" The man did stopped then, but he didn't turn around

Jensen really didn't knew what he was doing, he was sure he had lost his own mind, but the words came out before he could do anything

"It's raining" Like that explain everything, this time the man turned around to stare at him

"You will catch a cold… You could stay for a wail, I will get some towels" He walked in the other direction before letting the man answered. He got the towels from his bedroom closet.

Once he came back the man was no were inside. Jensen didn't even hear the front door, but it was clear the man was long gone.

He looks at the white towel in his hand, a sigh left his lips _'What a day' _He took the towel and run it through his face, no surprise when he saw it becoming a bit red. His body was protesting whit painfully, fucking Tom; he deserved the punch the homeless man had given him.

He wonders what would happen if the man hadn't come through his front door and stop Tom.

Jensen was trying to understand what had happened, how it all went so wrong whit Tom. They were so perfect together, nothing seemed wrong, until everything was. It all started some weeks ago when everything Jensen did was his fault, when all the mistakes Tom made were his fault also.

He went to the bathroom to take a long hot bath. Take care of his wounds. He had finally got fed up whit Tom lies and bullshits, he also had lost the guy he thought it was it for him. He was alone, there was no one he had to pretend to be strong for, yet he refuses to let one single tear leave his eyes for that bastard. He just wanted all to be over whit, no more hurt, no more Tom.

He let his body relax whit the hot water around him, eyes closed, trying not to think about anything, the sound of rain loud and clear outside.

He wonders where the homeless man was, if he was shielding himself from the rain, or sleeping in this cold and horrible weather for someone who didn't have a roof to protect himself whit

He wonders why he knock at his door, why he help him. Disappearing just as fast as he showed up, leaving and taking with him the person who was making his live a living hell.

He sighs once more, no use in trying to understand, he just felt glad the man had been there. He hated to feel weaker, not that he was weak being any means, but Tom was stronger. He promises himself never again he would put himself in this situation. He got out of the banhaira, whit slow moves, he felt soured, tomorrow he would feel worse, he knew it. He curses when the towel rest on the hurt muscle of his back. Never again, he would date a guy stronger than him, never again.


End file.
